Or Notorious B.I.G. meant it to go.
I’m back in Korea- obviously – bla bla bla it’s snowing, the snow melts, it freezes, I’m terrified to walk, slip, fall, and break something. Unlike some of my friends, my broken parts don’t snap back into place… they just stay broken.
Getting back on a regular sleep schedule has been hard. Sort of like when I arrived in California, I pretty much don’t remember anything from the first 48 hours I was here. Charlotte had a terrible time with the time change — which makes sense because she’s 2 and it is incredibly difficult to explain why her body feels so messed up. She had gotten into the habit of sleeping in bed with me in LA. It was the first time that EVER happened – and I hated it. I don’t sleep well with people moving or touching me. She does a lot of both. Also somehow, she’d sleep sideways like, across the pillows and edge me out of the bed. Inevitably when Tony was still on vacation with us, he’d get up and then sleep in her bed. Since it was in the same room, there really wasn’t any way to tell her “no” if we wanted to get sleep – and since there were so many other stressful factors going on sleep was paramount. When we got back here she was so out of it that she wouldn’t sleep unless it was in our bed. More restless nights. No sleep for me. Cranky me. Cranky Charlotte.
Now, Charlotte is finally over the jet lag crap – which means shes sleeping through the night and in her own bed. I stopped that “in the big bed” shit pretty early because it was making me crazy. Much easier when we have different rooms. I’ve been pretty depressed since I got back. California was a lot of fun. Full of the fun and joy of seeing people, being at Target, speaking and reading English, and eating Mexican food in 75 degree weather. Not bad right? But being back in Korea, where my house gets messy, it’s gray and the sun doesn’t come up until 7:45 am (because they don’t do daylight savings time –I think they must want people to kill themselves in the winter) — pretty much a giant Debbie Downer for this already prone-to-depression girl. Truthfully, I’m happy to be back with my stuff, and my husband, and my life. But I certainly am struggling. It’s like reverse- reverse culture shock. I’ve been pushing myself to be social, try to keep a schedule and forgive myself if it doesn’t work out. For example, 3pm is not scheduled to “post on the blog” but Charlotte
is was sleeping and the dishes are going and the laundry is going and for fucks-sake it is blissful to be able to type in p-e-a-c-e.