I can’t work because Steve Jobs is dead.

My brain is full of slosh. Thinking about applying for jobs. Search jobs. Oh Hey – a Job. Maybe I should create an account and oh! upload my resume. Find resume. Hmm this was last updated in 2010 when we moved to Georgia. Crap. Better update it again. Reading old resume. This was totally tailored to the Apple Store based on a lot of presumed apple knowledge. Trying to translate apple acronyms and speak into something other people would understand. Oh maybe there’s an apple related job in South Korea. Yes! Am I qualified for any of the 11? Kind of! Do I speak fluent Korean? No! Back to the resume. Oh yeah, what the hell did those terms mean? Why is Tony talking so loudly? Where are all my Apple files? Why can’t I find anything on my computer. That’s a lot of copies of my crock pot lasagne recipe. Huh. Look my old grad school files. Man that’s depressing. Maybe I should finish grad school. Maybe – oh! Maybe I have old files in my email. Let’s look at my old email. Oh. Emails from Steve Jobs. 5 emails from Steve Jobs. Now I kind of want to cry. Steve jobs passed away the day before I went in to be induced for Charlotte. None of the people I was with could understand why I wanted to drop what I was doing and rush to the Apple Store to be with my people – who understood. They wouldn’t let me go. I sat there texting everyone instead. Including my BFF Jason. Now I’m crying. Still can’t find my Apple files. Still don’t remember the acronyms. Still haven’t finished updating the resume. Headache. Husband asks if I’m ok. I’m not ok. I ask him to just read the Facebook post so I don’t have to explain. He reads. I cry. He rubs my back and tells me it is going to be ok. He tells me I’m doing better. I mumble into his sweatshirt that I can’t function because my brain is broken. He tells me that it’s been a long day and I remember it’s been a long week. I’m going to bed. But I still have 5 emails from Steve Jobs. And a daughter. And I have a job. I’m just not very good at it yet.

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