still not asleep

I went to bed at 8pm shortly after my kid and husband did. We are all exhausted and the husband has been dodging a migraine for the last 2.5 days. Sometimes he doesn’t move fast enough and it hits him pretty hard. I am tired. I’ve been tired all day… and I have been hiding out all day. I couldn’t sleep aftering reading for an hour so I got up because I had the itch to write. I’m suffering from some major xenophobia as of late. I’d like to say that it started with the new iOS update- but I think it probably started before that. I’ve noticed a distinct difference in how flexible/excited/pleased I am with  products and their new changes when I am working for the company versus when I am not. Almost ALWAYS I hate their new stuff when I’m not working for them. I’m almost positive, but too lazy to verify, that the last major iTunes update (which I hated) was after I left the orchard.

So changes please stop. They’re coming at me in lots of different ways and I hate all of them. I’ll adjust, I always do. Right now though, I’m reverting to rereading books from my younger days. And a lot of reflection. Several HOLY SHIT moments…

I. My daughter is turning 2 this week.

  1. I always judged those women who were like “My BABY is growing UP!” because of course they are stupid, that’s what they do.
  2. Now I’m all “My baby isn’t a baby… where did the baby go? Who is the little person who teases me and has opinions?”
  3. Uh… I guess we are in the place to start talking about having another baby………… not sure on that one. <insert more thoughts here>

II I’m turning 32 at the end of the month.

  1. When did I become an adult?
  2. Am I an adult?
  3. If 30 is the new 20s, then what the hell was I doing 10 years ago?
  4. When is it officially time for me to have to “get it together”?

III I live in Korea… and have for almost 5 months. (read: half the time I spent abroad the last time I was abroad 10 years ago)

  1. I both have done a ton of things, and “nothing at all”. Living in a foreign country is nothing like visiting it.
  2. I am learning not to compare myself to others and their adventures.

IV. I can’t sit still, and I have to make all the things

  1. crochet projects, trying to create impossible things in short periods of time
  2. interest in everything, especially new things that I haven’t gotten into yet (sewing, using inks with paper crafting)
  3. large purchases on art supplies
  4. frequent messes on the dining room table (where else will I work?) that I never clean up.
  5. Halloween decorations – it’s never too early to start decorating with skulls.
  6. 7 loads of unfolded laundry on the couch.

V. Must read all the books. Artemis Fowl was ok… probably not worth the rest  of the series… new suggestions?

And now- after all of this- not much writing but a lot of catching up with friends online, my happiness meter is fuller. I feel better. Definitely tired. Maybe I can sleep now. I shall endeavor to rest well and start tomorrow with another walk, with the kid, and up and down the hilly streets of my neighborhood.

Also I made these today using labels from Cathe Holden:

Image

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3 thoughts on “still not asleep

  1. I always thought the barometer of when to have another baby should be: “is the last one wiping its own bum?” Because you don’t want to be wiping two bums! (That are not your own.) But what do I know?!

  2. I think you and I have been having a lot of the same feelings lately. I’m married with two kids and often still don’t feel like a grown up. It’s odd for me because I’m a lot younger than many of the moms I know, but I feel so much older than most other women my age because they are still wild and single and I’m a stay at home mom of two. It’s also hard when I’m seeing so many people we know here going out and having adventures when I don’t feel like we do much of anything. We’ve done pretty much no sight-seeing and even going to a store in town seems like a taxing excursion. :-/ We still aren’t completely unpacked either. We’ve made a bit of progress lately, but I get overwhelmed easily and it makes me shut down. This is bad because the fact that the house isn’t fully set up causes me a lot of underlying stress and a sense of drifting rather than been settled and grounded in our current house. I don’t feel like I’m at home. The people here are great, though, so that has been really nice. I’ve also rediscovered crochet, so that’s been helpful lately.

    As far as kids go, I feel that about a two year gap is really nice. You have at least the possibility that you won’t have two in diapers at once (though we weren’t lucky in that regard). Mostly, though, they are close enough in age that they are going through a lot of the same stuff at the same times in life and are able to be really close playmates. We have a bunch of two year age gaps in my family and generally my siblings are all really close with their next oldest/youngest sibling. My sisters have always been really close and are still best friends, and my little brothers are all really close as well. I love watching our girls interact. Their personalities are quite different and they have their spats, but they are so close. Honestly we’d hoped I’d already be expecting number three since Penny is almost 19 months old now, but fertility issues are working against us right now (more on the catch 22 stress plate), so we’ll have to see what happens.

    So, not that I’ve totally dumped onto your page the short version is “yeah, I feel ya’ girl”

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